Look 'Em In The Eyes!

Having recorded the students speaking, I was reviewing the video for analysis when I was struck once again by some students' reluctance to look at the audience.  Even those students who knew their information and didn't need to read from their palm cards, would look a fixed point beyond the audience, rather than actually make eye contact with their peers.  Why so reluctant, I wondered?  


Whilst I can appreciate that there are times, especially with young students, when making eye contact with their friends is embarrassing and can "put them off", resulting in a fit of giggles, maintaining eye contact with the audience is an important skill.  It is also one of the first skills we discuss in public speaking sessions. Eye contact builds a connection between the speaker and the audience.  It allows the audience to see the speaker's emotion, absorb the speaker's message.  It also allows the speaker to show respect toward the audience and acknowledge them for listening.


Eye contact however, is not just a skill to be dragged out for public speaking presentations, then neatly filed away until the next time it's needed.  It is an important part of any communication, formal or informal.  So often with children, communication occurs not in isolation, but in the midst of other activities.  Questions are asked, comments are made, and responses are given, on the move, while watching television, while getting dressed, while doing homework, while eating dinner, while heading out the door for lunch or recess.  Our busy lifestyles and ability to multi-task may well be contributing to the reluctance some children have to look people in the eye when they are speaking to them.


I think it's important that children learn at an early age to look at people when they are speaking to them, or being spoken to.  It shows courtesy and respect.  It also improves listening.  How often have we as parents or teachers, made a request of a child who was engaged in something else, only to have them forget to do what was asked, do what was asked incorrectly, or come back to us and ask what it was we wanted?  The few, brief seconds it would have taken to encourage the child to look at us while we spoke to them, could have saved time and angst in the long run.


As adults, I believe it is also important that we positively model the behaviours we value and wish our children to emulate.  If we want them to look us in the eye when we're speaking to them, we need to afford them the same courtesy.  I know that there have been times when I have been guilty of not looking at my own children while they were talking to me, and as a result may have missed some parts of what they were saying.  Sadly, and perhaps more importantly, I may have inadvertently devalued what they were saying.  No parent, or teacher wishes to do this.  Far better to ask them to wait a few minutes while you finish what you're doing, or to stop what you're doing, look at them and really listen.


A speaker who stands before an audience and does not look at them, loses credibility and respect.  Eye contact from a speaker acknowledges the audience's listening, while at the same time encouraging the audience to listen.  As parents and teachers we want our children to succeed, to value others and to in turn, be valued by others.  One way we can ensure this happens  is to encourage them to look people in the eye.